i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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