I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
