We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
