1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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