Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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