i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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