I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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