I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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