the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
