Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
