I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
