before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
