sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
