either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
