Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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