Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
