There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
