Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
