If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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