We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
