3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
