So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
