Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just google imaged poop.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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