I think my vagina is haunted
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
