I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
