My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had sex on a roof
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
