Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
