Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
