thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
