well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
