Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
