somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
