You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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