don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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