I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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