Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
