Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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