We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
