my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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