Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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