Is it normal to miss your booty call?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
