just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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