my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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