There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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