try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
