WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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