nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
