I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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