I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
