you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
