careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
